I Am Cain   |   Maitreya 2   |   1971


There was a time, I was spending a quiet evening with a dear friend of mine. We were having pleasant conversation because we had discovered in earh other, apparently, what is know as a set of "permanent values" -- vague as that may be.

Then he said, "We agree on everything, except that I believe in a personal God."

I said, "I don't understand what those words mean. I am a person, and I have done my best to find out what idea 'person' is made of. I have persevered and I have discovered that my first capacity is to turn food into organic energy. Before being a 'person' then, I am obvously a llving being. If your God is alive, as he is supposed to be, does He or It transform His or Its food into organic energy? My second discovery was that I react to stimulation. Does God? Is that why He or It must be prayed to so much?" ...

Then I said, "Can you honestly think the verb to be with no support at all? Even a vibration is a physical support, isn't it? What is God's? What are His or Its limitations? Can you honestly think the words Infinite ... Absolute ... Perfection ... Eternity? ...

Suddenly my friend rose from his chair and cried, "You will not convince me! And if you did, you would commit murder!"

That night, I knew that my name was Cain.

It sill is.

That friend, in a flash, ceased to be a friend. We had been operating on a misunderstanding. He was no friend at all. A man you have frightened is not a friend: he is a corpse.

Thus I, Cain, knew and "slew" Abel.

And you may know this too, if you understand the languarge of the Book of Genesis through the code of the Qabalah. Let it be clearly stated here that the canonical Book of Genesis, as it is read, even in Hebrew, is a complete distortion of the text read according to the orginal code of the Sacred Language. But before I open this code to you, I must stipulate that my assertion "I am Cain" is the statement of actual fact. Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel, the Garden of Eden, the talking Serpent, a forbidden fruit, a punishment, and both Elohim and Yahweh, are not what so many generation have been taught to believe: persons, a landscape, a reptile and a mysteriously acting deity , but what psychologists would call "complexes." We must fully understand that we would-be human beings are even today, at this very moment, living the drama of wanting and not-wanting to be born.

Birth is freedom from conditioning. Cain is born and he is free, as can be seen when the qabalistic equation of this name is decoded. Abel is a state of consciousness so completely identified with its transient structures that it faces its own death when those structures are challenged. For such a "complex" to live is to carry on a psyche in duration. For the "Cain complex," life is a timeless discontinuity where no "I am" can take root. Cain's action upon Abel has nothing to to do with endless discussions between atheists and theists, where every argument strengthens the opposent's. His action tends to introduce into the psychological shell an explosive energy which is therefore feared as being destructive.

I feel sorry for the poor fellow who disintegrated in my presence, reconstructing in haste his amour of faith with undigested half--thoughts. But I am inexorably angry with all the "learned," solemn, pompous clericals who for thousands of years have distorted the original, scientific, intelligible an most intelligent qabalistic postulates of Genesis and a few other qabalistic tools.

So I had killed Abel, had I? strangely tnough, we read the name Abel in the Bible, in spite of it being Hevel. But when Ecclesiastes says, "Vanity, everything is vanity," he actually writes Hevel, everything is Hevel."

Cain, not Hevel, was the one to whom Yahweh had spoken. Cain, not Hevel, was the one who could hear Yahaweh. This, of course, is a myth. But when Qabalah is rediscovered as living -- as I declare it is -- Yahweh is a simple enough equation, not too difficult to undestand.

And, after all, had I killed that Vanity? Had I not, candidly, tried to reach the ultimate meaning in a few words? Had I not simply discarded some words as having no meanings?

Qabalah is the oldest of old sciences. It is the study of the one unique Energy, in its structures. It states that the human mind, whose realm is time, space and measures, when trying to explain how anything at all exists, can only project itself away and beyond the perception of the ever-present unfathomable Mystery of all that is.

The only way towards knowledge is to perceive how Energy functions outside us and inside us. (We are IT, aren't we?), and when we read -- as they were originally meant to be read -- the three great fundamental texts of Qabalah, we understand clearly how that Energy could function in us and thus lead us to accomplish our human vocation. These three texts are The Book of Genesis, The Song of Songs (which is not of Solomon!) and The Sepher Yetsira.

The signs that are used as letters of the Hebrew alphahbet are far from being the phonemes we think they are: they are words, and those words are equations, or ideograms, expressing different states of Energy in their relationships, included in an all-embracing field theory, and introduced analogically.

Let us consider, in the succession Aleph-Bayt ... the sign Bayt (generally written Beth, quite erroneously) in the idiom, means House. But it is commonly considered as the letter B.

As children we were taught to read in picture books where we were shown C for Cat, D for dog, H for house, etc. But our great scholars read somewhat like cat for C, dog for D, H for house, Bayt for B. The result is sheer nonsense.

I am tackling the sign Bayt because it is the first we meet upon opening the Bible. We observe that it is spelled Bayt-Yod-Tav. Yod is spelled Yod-Waw-Dallet. Waw is spelled Waw-waw and the second Waw is again Waw-Waw ... ad infinitum. Dallet is spelled Dallet-Lammed-Tav. Lammed is spelled Lammed-Mem-Dallet. This Dallet is again Dallet-Lammed-Tav ... and the series goes on indefinitely. So, we have a sign that develops into a proliferation of processes, in which every sign varies.

From Aleph to Tav there are 22 signs, interrelated, all of them having a definite meaning, but not exclusive (as in chemistry, H for hydrogen excludes all that is not hydrogen). Here because the sign semantically is analogical, it is inclusive. The study of the 22 signs is the science called Qabalah.

After having studied them from Aleph to Tav, we cannot resist the pleasure of studying them from Tav to Aleph. We first go from beginning to end then we start from end to beginning, and thus discover that there are two Breaths, two Emanations, two Lives, playing against each other the game of All-that-is. The game is One. The Unity is the game. The Energy is one in a two-fold flux of Energy, that we can consider under different names, such as Explosion-Compression.

Many scientists believe that the Universe is an explosion, out of a fantastic concentration of Energy. But where there is explosion there cannot but be also compression.

The two-fold Energy, playing the game of Indetermination, constantly builds forms and desroys forms. When we see it in us, we discover that the body's vocation is to always rebuild itself, until it has to yield and by destroyed and that the vociation of the mind is also to build itself, but only until it reaches its maturity, and then to give scope to the explosive aspect of Energy, by allowing the structures of the psyche to disintegrate, to fall apart, to disappear in Hevel.

That perpetual renewal of the mind is impossible for any "believer" or "non-believer" of any sort. It goes on a par with the immediate and devastating realization of the total Mystery of the simple existence of even a speck of dust. But only then can the full impact of Cosmic Energy enter in us -- or throw us swimming into it.

The only training I know for that adventure is Qabalah because it teaches how to swim against the flow of Life, so as not to be carried away, further and further from the Source. Moverover, with this kind of swim, one receives on one's head and chest the direct vitalizing impact of Life. Thus, Jacob fought against "God" and prevailed. This is the only kind of worship that the Revival of Qabalah -- in its modern expression -- knows and accepts.

Carlo Suares: Revived Qabala: Lexicon: Qaheen/Hevel Cain and Abel
The Key to the Code